you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
