I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
