Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
