I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
