so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pants are for mortals
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
