just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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