apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I still have a little drunk in my system
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
