I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
