90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
