I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
