God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
