Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
