just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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