Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
