how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
