How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I enjoy the company of your penis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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