I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
