I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
