I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
