just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
