We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
