i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
