I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
