you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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