he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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