Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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