That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize