i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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