You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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