Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
