are you still at the devil's house?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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