Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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