I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
