how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize