In the future we'll all be gay
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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