i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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