Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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