so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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