trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
