Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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