Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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