filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
