you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
