go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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