I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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