Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
