Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
