There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize