2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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