Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
