He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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