You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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