He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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