i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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