I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
