Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
