White coat. Heels.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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