I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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