I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
