So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Say something about gay babies.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
