Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
