Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
