Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
