covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize