Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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