Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
