Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
