so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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