He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
