I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
