my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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