the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
