didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
