were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
