why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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