so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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