so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
