I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
