i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
