nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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