Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
